


30 Days

by strawberriesNcigarettes



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cazzie, F/F, I love them so much, One Shot, izzie's pov, little angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 13:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberriesNcigarettes/pseuds/strawberriesNcigarettes
Summary: Inside Izzie's mind during the time she wasn't talking to Casey





	30 Days

**Author's Note:**

> cazzie vs motivating me to write. shout out to the cazzie supremacist gc again for giving me the idea to write this one. also taylor swift.

_ The first day of not speaking to Casey was harder than Izzie thought it would be.  _

 

Actually, it was a _lot_ harder than what Izzie thought it would be. See, Izzie didn’t think that it would be hard at all. Well ok that was a lie. Casey really was her best friend, and she absolutely loved her. But she was more than capable of cutting off people in her life that she felt didn’t deserve to be in it. But this time something was different. 

 

Izzie had decided to not talk to Casey because she had kissed her boyfriend. Casey insisted that it wasn’t how it went down, but what was she supposed to think? She’d known Nate longer, she trusted him. And it’s not like her reasoning was wrong.

 

Yet something about the way she felt...was.

 

She was angry, that’s for sure. She had immediately confronted Nate, who told her Casey was lying. He claimed that she was the one who kissed him. Izzie didn’t know what to believe. But she did know that for some reason, Casey kissing Nate instead of vice versa made her angrier. She decided to just cut Casey off all together, only tolerating her to get through track season. But not without a little rant she’d give to the other girls on the track team about the situation.

 

She just wanted to get the girls on her side. She had no idea they were going to write on Casey’s shoes. When they told her she thought it might be ok, that this small form of justice would bring her closure. But the only person she wanted to laugh about the prank with was Casey, and it only made her more sad. Why did they have to do that to her?

 

She felt terrible for the shoe thing. And she felt terrible for cutting her off. 

 

Casey was right.

 

Boys ruin everything.

 

* * *

 

_ On the seventh day of not speaking to Casey, Izzie saw her at the batting cages. _

 

Izzie was there to pick up a bat one of her siblings had accidentally left there the other day. She was on her way out when she noticed the Casey walking in with her brother Sam and a taller lankier boy wearing glasses. Zahid probably. At least based on what Casey told her he seemed like a Zahid.

 

Izzie tried to ignore the constant flipping her stomach was doing at the sight of Casey alone. Her hair hanging down and flowing naturally, a flannel wrapped around her waist and a crop top exposing her midriff slightly, but enough to make Izzie bite her lip.

 

Her heart sank when she remembered that she had cut her out. And why she had cut her out.

 

She had kissed Nate.

 

They were both at her house.

 

And she had chosen to kiss Nate.

 

* * *

 

_ On the tenth day of not speaking to Casey, Izzie listened to Gorgeous by Taylor Swift.  _

 

She wasn’t even a big Taylor fan, but she was browsing her Apple Music for songs to match the way she was feeling. She came across her Reputation album and decided to give it a try: she hadn’t listened to it yet anyway and was open to new music. When she got to Gorgeous, a line might as well have slapped her in the face.

 

_ “You’ve ruined my life, by not being mine.” _

 

One short haired, goofy smiled, track teammate came immediately came to mind. The heart ache she felt picturing Casey’s face was almost unbearable. She was confused and honestly, terrified to admit that she had felt anything at all. 

 

These were just the usual signs of missing a friend obviously. You think about them whenever anything happens to you. This was nothing. They both have boyfriends they love. 

 

Love.

 

She only thought of one person when she heard that word too.

 

This would all pass soon enough though…. wouldn’t it? 

 

Izzie had that song stuck in her head all week.

 

* * *

 

 

_ The seventeenth day of not speaking to Casey raised some questions. _

 

Izzie had caught herself staring at her ex best friend in class. For the 5th time this week. She sat behind her in English class so she could get away with it without Casey seeing her.

 

Were her stolen looks out of hatred or anger?

 

Izzie didn’t feel anger when she was looking at Casey. She felt longing.

 

Izzie missed her best friend, more than anything. But when she would see Casey walking down the hallway, she imagined herself walking with her. Being close enough to feel her body heat radiating onto her own skin, like how they would when they were friends. Making every excuse to make the slightest touch in any possible way. Shoving down every real feeling she had when Casey would touch her back.

 

She decided to stop shoving it down when she imagined what it would be like to kiss her.

 

She kept reminding herself that Casey only liked her as a friend. Or at least she _used_ to. Izzie wasn’t so sure if she even liked her that much at this point. Which only made Izzie cry into her pillow as she thought about it when she tried to sleep.

 

She had fucked everything up. She missed Casey more with every passing second.

 

So why did Casey kissing Nate make her so _angry?_

 

* * *

  
  


_ On the nineteenth day of not speaking to Casey, Izzie answered her own question. _

 

The wind was blowing strongly when she drove her car over to Nate’s house.

 

He was so angry when she broke up with him.

 

Izzie was only there for few minutes to let her ex have his say. Nate went on and on about how she would be nothing without him, that she was a bitch, that she had no one now, blah blah blah. Maybe if Izzie gave a shit, a fight would’ve started. But she took in what he said and continued to hear his screaming as she got in her car. But she drove home unbothered because she had finally figured out the answer to her question.

 

She wasn’t angry at Casey for kissing Nate. She wasn’t mad at her for kissing her boyfriend when she was in the room.

 

She was angry that Casey had kissed Nate and not her.

 

And of course Casey was the one telling the truth, so it hadn’t even happened at all. Thinking that Nate would ever be more trustworthy than Casey was absolute nonsense. Frankly, Izzie knew deep down she had forced herself to believe Nate. Izzie felt like an idiot, and vowed to to get her girl back. 

 

She needed to get her girl back.

 

* * *

 

_ The twenty-third day of not speaking to Casey was the day she figured out how to end the silence. _

 

Izzie had been pacing around her room for 4 days straight trying to figure out how to get Casey to talk to her. She ended up working her brain to death until she fell asleep and then she’d wake up just as empty handed as before. It wasn’t until she got a phone call in the middle of dinner that she was given a way in.

 

Casey’s mom Elsa had somehow gotten a hold of her number. She had asked Izzie to come over next week with the track team for a surprise party she was throwing to celebrate Casey’s birthday. Izzie remembered Casey mentioning that she wanted a get together, but not as big as Elsa seemed to be making it. If Izzie wasn’t so desperate to talk to Casey, she might’ve tried to talk Elsa out of it.

 

But this was her one chance to fix things. There was no way she was blowing it.

 

“Of course I’ll come.”

 

* * *

 

_ On the thirtieth day of not speaking to Casey, Izzie was nervous. _

 

She was on her way over to Casey’s house. She would’ve shown up earlier but the track team decided to carpool and Penelope was taking an extra hour to get ready. Izzie guessed she’d be making a fashionable entrance.

 

_God_ she was already messing it up and she wasn’t even there yet.

 

When the other girls finally came to take her to the party, Izzie felt like she was going to be sick. She wanted to tell Casey about her feelings, the weight of emotions constantly begging to be dropped from her chest, but she had no idea how she was supposed to get her alone. She decided first and foremost to apologize. She didn’t have to tell Casey how she felt right away, or even at all. What she wanted most was her friend back, and if that meant months of pain until she got over her in secret then so be it.

 

When Izzie walked through the door, she saw Casey dancing with her brother. Her heart rate increased when Casey turned to see who had just entered. She made eye contact with Izzie, and it took everything Izzie had to maintain her usual stature.

 

“Hey Newton. Hey Sam.”

 

The look on Casey’s face read panic. She took off into another room.

 

Izzie tried to maintain the look of neutrality because of the amount of people around her but she was panicking too. What if Casey kicked them out?

 

She heard some raised voices but didn’t make anything of them. That is until Casey ran out and had a breakdown towards Sam at the bottom of her stairs where everyone could see.

 

“It’s not even about me! It’s just about Sam! Sam! SAM. Just like everything else in my sorry ass life!”

 

Casey turned to look at Izzie and the girls, tears in her eyes. She made direct eye contact with Izzie again before flying up the stairs in rage.

 

Izzie waited a few beats before heading towards the stairs. Sam started screaming from a distance about finding something called an Ickle Bickle while he waved a plastic gorilla in the air.

 

“I’m going to go see if she’s ok.” 

 

Izzie made her way up the stairs, nerves almost stopping her a few times before she made it all the way to the top. She followed the path memorized in her brain to where her and Casey had hung out the hundreds of times before this whole fight started. Izzie arrived at her door and knocked.

 

“Leave me alone Mom or Evan.”

 

Izzie was neither. She opened the door slightly.

 

“Hey.”

 

Casey sat up immediately.

 

“Can I come in?”

 

Izzie felt like forever had passed until she replied “Okay.”

 

Izzie suddenly felt awkward, talking to Casey had never been hard before but she didn’t know what the boundaries were now. She tried to create small talk but Casey just looked annoyed. She cut right to it.

 

“Dude, I’m sorry. I was a dick and I got jealous… and I was afraid of losing someone I love.”

 

“I would never get between you and Nate.”

 

Izzie was confused, wondering how Casey could even think she would come here if she still had any respect for Nate.

 

“Screw him! No, I was afraid of losing you.”

 

Casey seemed to stop in her tracks. “Oh.”

 

Izzie felt the need to explain. “Before you got to Clayton I...felt so out of place. Like I couldn’t be myself.” It was all true. Casey had brought out a side of Izzie that she didn’t even know existed. Izzie went on to say how her and Nate were so different.

 

“Because he’s a huge douche and you’re not?” Casey smiled slightly and Izzie felt hope rising in her chest. Or maybe it was just her heartbeat. Izzie continued to explain herself in the most non creepy way possible, but Casey’s silence after she was finished told her that it might’ve still sounded stalkerish. She apologized if it came off weird, but it was still true. She really really missed her. Casey said she felt the same.

 

Now that the air was cleared, things felt like they were on the verge of being normal again. But Izzie couldn't fight off the urge to find a way to get closer to her.

 

“Let’s forehead promise to never leave each other again.”

 

“Okay. What’s that?”

 

Izzie didn’t know. She had just made it up. A completely unsubtle attempt at contact with Casey, but honestly? She didn’t care. She’d been deprived of it for almost, what a month?

 

Izzie moved closer to Casey on the bed and brought her head forward so that their foreheads were touching. Both girls giggled. Izzie’s stomach flipped at the sound. 

 

“Is it obvious that I just made this up?”

 

Casey smiled but then looked down at Izzie’s lips. Izzie was sure she’d imagined it but Casey inched herself closer. Izzie looked at Casey’s eyes and then her lips in return to make sure she was receiving the right signals. Izzie bit her lip and nuzzled her nose towards Casey’s. Izzie could feel her heart pounding so hard against her chest that she was afraid Casey could feel it too. Their lips were about to graze when suddenly the door swung open, forcing both girls to jump to opposite sides of the bed.

 

Elsa had interrupted to tell them they were about to sing downstairs. Both girls made their way down in silence. When they reached the bottom of the stairs Casey kissed Evan. Izzie couldn’t tear her eyes away from them even though her heart shattered.

 

That’s right.

 

She was already taken.

 

* * *

  
  


_ It was the fifth day after making up with Casey when they were both sitting alone in the car. _

 

Casey had just driven them 20 minutes away to get the slurpee Izzie wanted.

 

Things had felt sort of off since they almost kissed at the party, but Izzie was trying her best not to make it weird. She suggested they hangout so she could show Casey that she was glad they were friends and didn’t want anything more.

 

So what was she supposed to do when Casey started talking about how much something other than her boyfriend felt so right? 

 

She was going to make her move if it killed her, because not moving at all was driving Izzie insane.

 

She reached over slightly, hitting uncharted territory when her pinky touched Casey’s. Izzie waited for any signs that Casey wanted her to stop but she never got any. She kept reaching until Casey moved her hand so that they could intertwine their fingers. Suddenly Casey’s phone rang and Izzie expected her to let go of her hand immediately. She knew it was Evan calling. She saw it on the screen. 

 

But Casey never let go. And she declined the call.

 

Nothing escalated from that point, and they drove home holding hands in silence.

 

* * *

 

 

On the seventeenth day of making up with Casey, Izzie received a call. 

 

Izzie and Casey hadn't talked about what had happened in the car. They just acted like it didn't happen. Her and Casey would hang out like they used to and when things would get a little too close one of them opted to leave. Izzie didn't like putting herself through the heartache, but she loved Casey. And there was no way she was going to lose her again just because of some stupid feelings.

 

“I’m outside.”

 

Izzie walked to her front yard where Casey was standing, fiddling with her thumbs.

 

“Izzie, about the other night in the car. I need to tell you-“

 

“We don’t need to talk about it Newton. You want to be with your boyfriend and that’s fine. You don’t want to cheat and I understand. I really just don’t want things between us to be weird anymore.”

 

Casey took a deep breath and moved closer to Izzie. Izzie was confused and took a hard gulp when Casey placed her hands on Izzie’s arms.

 

“I broke up with Evan.”

 

Izzie wasn’t sure if she processed that right. _She what?_

 

“This has been coming for a long time.” She sounded nervous, so Izzie made sure to give Casey her full attention. “Because I know the one person I want to be with more than anyone. And their name isn’t Evan.” 

 

Izzie dared to moved closer to Casey, recreating the distance they had during the forehead promise.

 

“What _is_ their name then?”

 

Casey closed the gap between them and Izzie felt like her heart was going to explode when she felt Casey's lips against her own. All of the waiting and pain had finally paid off for this one moment. Casey kissing her in front of her old ugly house and it couldn't be more perfect.

 

Izzie kissed her back.   
  


* * *

 

 

_ On the two thousand five hundred and fifty fifth day since making up with Casey, Izzie proposed. _

 

and on the two thousand seven hundred and thirty fifth day, they got married.

 

It’s the two thousand nine hundred and forty second day now, and Casey is going on a business trip to Florida for the weekend. Izzie doesn’t know how she’s going to last until Sunday without Casey. 

 

Casey teases her for exaggerating and reminds her of that time eight years ago when they didn’t talk for thirty. Izzie thinks that maybe. Just maybe.

 

She might make it through to Sunday.


End file.
